Our story that was never written

Your hands so soft I wanna hold it and never let go. Your eyes a little puffy but so elegant when you smile. Your smirk quite silly but annoyingly beautiful. You are the perfect answer to all my why’s and I always believe that. You. All that matters is you. It wasn’t just the same way over me.

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I miss you. The next three words you always hear from me other than I love you. Apparently, you are there: yet I still miss you. They say there’s not a lot to miss but they don’t know you are more than a lot. I miss your snaps that you fondly send to me and which I still have in my phone. I miss those three dots popping in messenger when you are typing. The most I can get now is your face beside the blue cloud of words I sent. That’s all. More painful than you saying goodbye because that was me getting recognized but neglected.

You and me. We had a bunch of stories. I guess you had been my greatest plot twist. You being in the story brought me to all the highs and lows. I am afraid I’ll just keep these stories to myself no matter how sweet it can get. After all, I am telling my tale while you are just playing as my fictional character.

So here’s to our story that could have been shelved beside your favorite books. Let’s just put it between the two of us. Or the least, with me.

 

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Analogy of opposites

It is beautiful to think how love can be easily made but difficult to undo. The idea of love is admiring but unloving is tragic. Love, at times, is peculiar but the greatest feeling one can have, for some the worst. Love is seen in perspective, in two different point of views and not with one side alone. Love is not all heaven, sometimes hell.

To love is to be happy and to unlove is to be broken. Ironic how people associate unloving to getting shattered. Instead, unloving is creating a new dimension of yourself. To unlove is to get up from your fall when you climbed a tree with frail twigs and branches. It is erasing a story written with a permanent marker, hard to do but will eventually fade away.

Love in all aspect is still believable even through pain and agony because it is love. However, it is not love anymore when you continue to love the same person over again with the same reason of you being hurt. Love is learning to let go and loving yourself. Sadly, love is not all happy endings and best wishes.

We all need to master how to unlove. Unloving is the state of being hurt but believing that a broken heart can be fixed. That even a frozen heart can be thawed. For the meantime, its pieces are scattered but ultimately someone will gather and put it back together again.

I guess the right analogy should be: to love is to be happy and to unlove is to be contented. Unloving is letting go of someone. Moreover, it is setting yourself free.

Lonely soul

One day, loneliness is something you’ll be craving for. The feeling of being alone will give you comfort because you are already forgetting someone, and it’s you. You’ll be looking for the soft touch of your bed when you’re the only one lying there freely without any  thoughts of having to wake up someone because of your loud snore. It is just you and your favorite music on the background with your cup of coffee. In the morning, you’ll just swift away the curtains and look how peaceful and serene things are. You will binge-watch your favorite TV series which you have missed when you were too occupied. Then you will put the volume up because anyhow, it’s just you and no one else. No one will care.

It just hits you. No one did really care and it’s too painful to know. Tears started to fall down your cheeks. Realizations started to sink in. Loneliness was never a thing you’ve wanted. You thought for a while you can be alone but it is breaking you down. You taught yourself to be a strong-independent person and you know you can be better at it. But NO!

One day you’ll ask yourself, “Why am I lonely?” The answer is you were never lonely. You were consumed by the world and saw it as an easy thing that no matter what it gives you, you can just take it. You wanted friends but thinks that life is better if it is just “me and nobody else.” You were too strong everyone else got afraid.

Soon it will get hard. You will be ruined and devastated and destroyed. Once it happens, I’ll be here picking up the pieces telling that the company of someone is better than the company of your own shadow. Because a person will stay beside you but your shadow will leave when the sun sets. And there will always be someone who would wait with you until the sun rises again.

Belive me, you would want to be lonely but not for too long.

All about E

I’m about to tell a story of a person who has been existing for 20 years yet introductions is still an unsolved issue for him. Rheonald, it is the name. Some calls him Bentong, Indoy, Rheon but the one he prefers the most, Eon.

He has been full of choices from the very beginning but it seemed that he has been picking the wrong ones. They thought as it is but all along he never wanted choices. Instead, he wanted spontaneity where he would never choose between anything because what may come, whatever it may be, will always be better. He believes in the power of surprises and that it will always bring the inner child in him. He wanted freedom because he has enslaved his ownself from being the carefree guy he always wanted to be. I guess now he is ready to be that. Let’s see how things will unfold for him.

This is not a story of his life. Instead, a story he would want to live.

With love,

E